That's my main thought on how I feel sometimes. Y'all, I miss my dad. Terribly. Every time I have some paperwork to fill out or decision to make about his estate, it makes me so sad. I don't want his money, I don't want his stuff. I just want him to still be here. And then there's all the milestones - his birthday, a new school-year starting, all three kids have had birthdays since he passed away. He'll never see them be 8, 6, and 4. My birthday is coming up and he always made an effort to be in NC with me on my birthday. I always thought it was silly, since I'm not a big birthday person but now I'm dreading this year's birthday without him.
But that's all okay. I'm not upset that I'm sad. I'm just sad. I am supposed to be - I've lost someone I dearly love.
We live in a culture that tells us we are supposed to be strong, that we are supposed to move on, carry on. Facebook is full of "inspirational quotes." Avoid anger, sadness, frustration. Those are bad things.
But you know what? Those are emotions. Emotions are healthy. When unjust things happen, I should be angry. When sad things happen, I should feel sad. When frustrating things happen, I should feel stressed-out. I don't have to stay that way, and I certainly don't like it, but feeling how I feel is part of being healthy.
I'm not saying we should get bogged down in that stuff. I'm a huge fan of focusing on the positive, of choosing good over bad. But right now... I'm sad. And that's okay.
So if you're sad today, that's okay. I'm sad with you. We'll feel better later. And my joy is that much sweeter when I've walked through pain. God doesn't abandon us on days we aren't feeling strong. It's not a failure to feel sad. He's just going to have to carry me today until I'm strong again tomorrow. And that's okay too. I can glorify him in my weakness just as I can in my strength.