Saturday, September 17, 2011


At first I thought I’d call this post “Mistakes” but I thought it might be more positive to call it “learning”.
Amani and I are learning each other. He’s pretty unsure a lot of the time.  He wants me to hold him and he wants me to hold him standing up. If I sit down he starts to cry.  Thank goodness for the sling or my arms might have fallen off by now.  It doesn’t matter that I can leave the guest house, I’m getting a workout anyway! J

I see glimpses of his personality. He’ll laugh, be silly, play with me, and toddle around the guest house. But it doesn’t last all that long.  If he walks away and I stand up to follow him, he immediately wants me to pick him up. If we are playing on the bed and I get up to get another toy, he thinks I’m leaving and cries to be picked up. Sometimes all I have to do is shift my weight and he looks at me with alarm. I lean towards him or pick him up saying “I’m not going anywhere.”  But I think it’ll keep getting better. I am so thankful for this time we have together now so we can focus on bonding.  It’ll be tougher when we’re at home.  He’s taking a pretty long nap right now and I’m letting him sleep as long as he needs.  I’m sure all this change is so exhausting for him!

My mistake happened our second night together! The first night he slept through the night. And I know he doesn’t need his bottle in the middle of the night for nutritional purposes.  He woke up at 2 that night and wasn’t really fussy. He just wanted to be awake. I really didn’t think he needed a bottle. I rocked him for a long time but he was still up so I put him in bed with me, hoping he’d fall back asleep.  He just quietly laid there in bed with me, eyes wide open.  After an hour or so I tried again to get him to sleep. He’d fall asleep in my arms but the minute I’d put him in his crib, he’d cry.  And then by about 3:30 he was crying. LOUD.  So I quickly popped him in the sling and fumbled around in the dark (have I mentioned the light in my room is broken? We have no light in there!) trying to get everything together to make him a bottle.  I gave him a warmed bottle and he went straight to sleep.
Huh… I bet if I’d just given him the bottle at 2 he would have gone right back to sleep!  Oops. And of course after he went to bed I was wide awake. It took me awhile to fall back asleep…. and all the while I kept thinking about how I should have just given him a bottle in the first place.
We attempted a bath again and it went MUCH better. I was able to wash his hair and I even got a smile out of him at one point.  He’s still not thrilled about it but at least he wasn’t crying the whole time. I think that will keep getting easier too!

Right now we’re just sort of in survival mode. I want him to know that I will respond to his needs as quickly as I can. The only way to teach him that he can trust me is to be trustworthy. So I’m at his beck and call. If he wants up, I’ll hold him. If he wants a bottle, I’ll feed him. If he needs to fall asleep in my arms, that’s just fine.  It’s actually not any different than it was with Riley and Allyn when they were first born.  We are establishing our relationship.  And good relationships take time to grow.

Speaking of relationships… I sure do miss Rob and the kids. I so hate that Rob isn’t here to be with Amani.  Of course I am so glad he’s home with our other kids though. Kind of a tricky emotion, to be honest! J  I got the best surprise today. It turns out we hadn’t taken all the videos off the flip before I came. I went to download some videos onto the computer and found some videos of the kids.  The best was one Riley had taken of Allyn. I didn’t know he’d done it so I hadn’t seen it before. It was hilarious. He talks to her like I do!  And it made me miss them and feel better all at the same time.

The latest on the Embassy is that they asked me for more info! I was so bummed out.  But my agency’s going to bring them that info Monday morning.  HOPEFULLY that will be the last of what they ask for and we’ll hear that we are cleared very soon! Hooray! I am really hoping to have heard something by the end of next week. And Kim, Jaeden (her daughter) and I did some blog stalking last night and found out that a family that was cleared this week got an Embassy appointment 5 days later!  That is amazing news! 

If we are cleared next week we could have an Embassy appointment in maybe two weeks! Oh that would be so awesome.  I love having the extra time with Amani, but I will feel much better having an idea of when we’re going home! J To be quite honest, it’s a little scary really not knowing how long it will take. It was scary thinking about it before but now that I’m here… yeah, scary.

Thanks for the prayers!  Keep ‘em coming please!


  1. Hoping for embassy clearance soon!! Thanks for sharing your days with Amani - sounds like the beginning of beautiful bonding to me :)

  2. Hi Kirstin! I am enjoying keeping up with you and Amani through your blog. I know he can sense how much you love him and want to care for him. You are incredible!

  3. Hi Kirstin! I am checking in on you through your blog. I love how honest you are about your situation and your love for Amani is more evident than ever! I look forward to meeting him in person and seeing your family of five together!

  4. wow - I love these newest blogs...I can feel like I'm there in the guest house with you. what a wonderful bonding opportunity - the poor darling, such a huge step in his life...but such a wonderful loving path from here onward...
    lots of love & prayers coming your way hon!

  5. Love it. Lots of love and bonding going on!


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