|Oh to hold those little hands again...|
I've been thinking about this blog post for the past several weeks. And every time I thought about writing it, my chest tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. Today is the day that court closes in Ethiopia. It will not reopen until about mid-October.
We did not pass court before they closed.
I had planned to title this post "Crushed."
Because I am. I am crushed. As far as we know, this means we'll hear nothing about our adoption until mid-October. Hopefully around then we'll hear that we've passed court. And then we start the 3-5 month process of getting an embassy appointment and finally bringing him home. The thought is so overwhelming right now that I'm not sure I've even really begun to accept that this is how it is.
It means there's very little hope of having him home by Christmas, or even this calendar year.
And yet...one of my favorite songs is "Blessed be the Name." Two verses go like this:
Blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be Your Name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name.
I still praise God today. Yes, I am crushed. Yes, I cry and I'm not sure how to handle the long months ahead, but I still praise Him. There really is joy in my pain. This is what it means to follow God. Joy, even in the midst of struggle.
I praise Him that we got a court date in July (I thought there was zero chance of that happening).
I praise Him that I got to meet our boy. That I have memories of holding him, of looking into his big beautiful eyes, to keep me going. And that A is the most adorable, sweetest, most incredible little boy.
I praise Him that, although there is a wait, He has provided a way for orphans to have families.
I praise Him (lots) that my dad's cancer, although it has returned, has not spread and is treatable! He WILL be around to meet his next grandchild! :) We just found out the details yesterday, so this was great news!
I praise Him that we've been allowed to be on this incredible journey called adoption. We are so honored that we will get to be A's parents.
I praise Him for my incredible husband, who not only holds me up along this journey, but happily joins me on our crazy adventures in life. I'd be lost without him. He is amazing.
God is good. Oh He is so good. Even in the hard times. Lots of people tell me I'm strong or ask me how I do it. I have only one answer - Jesus. I am not strong, but He is. I am not doing this on my own. There is no earthly way I could get through this adoption without God. For that matter, I don't know how I'd make it through this life without God.
Please pray for us. This is hard. I mean HARD. There is a little boy growing up in Ethiopia without a family. We love him. He's ours in our hearts. Which means there is a family in North Carolina growing up without a son, without a brother. All these months when we could be loving on him, giving him individual attention, letting him bask in the love of older siblings (okay, and maybe feeling the irritation that comes with older siblings). All those months when he could be part of a family. But instead, we wait.
I just praise God that He can handle all of this. Because I certainly can't. Not on my own.
(We do have a tiny glimmer of hope. I try to not to post rumors or really much of anything about the process because I want to be respectful of the Ethiopian government. But the only thing that has helped me keep it together this week was a tiny rumor I've been hearing that if you are only waiting for your MOWA letter, you might still be able to finalize your adoption during the rainy season. We won't know if it's true unless it happens, but just having that little bit of hope has helped me out immensely! Guess I can praise God for rumors, even if they're not true!)