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Monday, May 9, 2011

Perspective

It's funny how different the wait feels right now versus how I felt last year.  And how different I know it will feel after we know who our child is.

Last year, we had just finished up the big race to getting on the wait list.  I spent 4 1/2 months in a whirlwind of paperwork.  We scheduled FBI fingerprint appointments, dr appointments, pediatrician appointments, Citizenship & Immigration appointments.  All of it felt kind of exciting, like we were really getting somewhere.

I blogged about our CIS appointment last year because it felt like a big deal.  I think I yelled last year when we received our letters in the mail informing us of the appointment and counted the days until we went to Raleigh.  This year when the letters came in the mail, I put them on the table with the rest of the mail and didn't even open them until the next day.  Then I kind of forgot when they were & had to re-check.  This year, the appointment didn't feel much like it was getting us much closer to our baby.  Although we did go together as a family and the woman who took our fingerprints was really sweet to the kids - she let them stand right by the computer and watch. And at one point, Allyn asked me if they were going to paint my fingernails. ha ha :)  And the kids & I did our own fingerprinting session after we got back.  So at least we created some nice memories.

I've decided we're not getting our referral until June.  And I've decided it's definitely NOT happening this week.  For some reason, Fridays have been the only hard days. That's the day I realize that that week wasn't THE week.  I've stopped carrying my cell phone around with me religiously.  I don't jump every time my cell phone rings.  And, although I am really anxious to find out who our baby is, this wait hasn't been all that tough. I'm getting good at it.

But I'm painfully aware that all that will change after we get our referral. Maybe there's a tiny part of me that's okay with this part of the wait because I know the next part is going to be so hard.

A friend of mine sent me a link to this video just after I posted this. It moved me to tears and I HAD to share! Please watch it all the way to the end... that's the best part:

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