We received the formal response on Friday and we are now officially waiting again! We are finally back to where we were almost three & a half months ago! ha ha. Actually, we're a little further along than that. Our agency continued to prepare referrals during the delay and has some ready to go. There's a good chance our referral is ready and will be coming shortly! Today's the first day I've carried my cell phone around with me all day because there's actually a chance we could get the call! This is the "real" wait!!!
I'm anxious. I actually got butterflies in my stomach this morning as I grabbed my cell phone before we walked out the door. This is all new territory for me. I have two kids but they're biological (one planned and one, well, not-so-much). I know what it's like to think I'm pregnant and have it confirmed by a test (and the subsequent joy/panic that comes thereafter). I know how it feels to fall in love with a baby as she grows inside of me. I know how it feels to look at a newborn and immediately pick out which family member he most resembles.
I don't know what it is like to meet my child through a picture on the internet a half a world away. I don't know the grief that comes with learning why my child lost his birth parents entangled with the joy of adding a child to our family. I don't know how it feels to fall in love with him as I watch him grow up in pictures for months while we wait for court dates. I don't know how it feels to finally hold him in my arms and be legally granted parentship and then turn around and leave him for 1-2 months before getting to take him home.
This journey started in December 2009. We have prayed for this child for longer than that. But the hard part starts now. I am anxiously awaiting our referral. I simply can NOT wait to see his picture. But I'm also very aware that these may be my last blissful days of ignorance. I am about to really learn how it feels to adopt a child internationally; how it feels to have a child who looks different from me, not just because he has different genes but because he is of an entirely different race. I'm getting on another rollercoaster.
And I say: Bring it! I am READY!
PS. I did an poll in the car last night with the kids about our baby. Riley says the referral will come next week and that our baby will have a mohawk. Allyn says she's just going to teach him to dance.