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Monday, April 11, 2011

And now... we wait!

We received the formal response on Friday and we are now officially waiting again! We are finally back to where we were almost three & a half months ago! ha ha.  Actually, we're a little further along than that. Our agency continued to prepare referrals during the delay and has some ready to go. There's a good chance our referral is ready and will be coming shortly! Today's the first day I've carried my cell phone around with me all day because there's actually a chance we could get the call! This is the "real" wait!!!

I'm anxious.  I actually got butterflies in my stomach this morning as I grabbed my cell phone before we walked out the door.  This is all new territory for me. I have two kids but they're biological (one planned and one, well, not-so-much).  I know what it's like to think I'm pregnant and have it confirmed by a test (and the subsequent joy/panic that comes thereafter).  I know how it feels to fall in love with a baby as she grows inside of me. I know how it feels to look at a newborn and immediately pick out which family member he most resembles.

I don't know what it is like to meet my child through a picture on the internet a half a world away. I don't know the grief that comes with learning why my child lost his birth parents entangled with the joy of adding a child to our family.  I don't know how it feels to fall in love with him as I watch him grow up in pictures for months while we wait for court dates. I don't know how it feels to finally hold him in my arms and be legally granted parentship and then turn around and leave him for 1-2 months before getting to take him home.

This journey started in December 2009. We have prayed for this child for longer than that.  But the hard part starts now. I am anxiously awaiting our referral. I simply can NOT wait to see his picture. But I'm also very aware that these may be my last blissful days of ignorance. I am about to really learn how it feels to adopt a child internationally; how it feels to have a child who looks different from me, not just because he has different genes but because he is of an entirely different race. I'm getting on another rollercoaster.

And I say: Bring it! I am READY!

PS. I did an poll in the car last night with the kids about our baby. Riley says the referral will come next week and that our baby will have a mohawk. Allyn says she's just going to teach him to dance.

5 comments:

  1. Auntie says 'bring it on too' - I've got lots of available love waiting for him!!!

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  2. Yay!!! Tell Riley that I'll help him with the Mohawk!!

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  3. I'm feeling good about the next couple of days! and am praying about it too :)

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