Thursday, March 17, 2011
Adoption is not for wimps...
I actually saw this button for sale somewhere! I want to buy it and stick it on my forehead!
This is hard. There are so many things I don't know right now. I don't know what's going to happen with our adoption. I don't know if the rest of this year will be about waiting for a baby or about doing all our paperwork again so that we can be placed on a different waiting list for a child from elsewhere. I really don't know.
But that's okay.
There is someone who knows. God knows not only what I'll be doing for the rest of 2011 but for the rest of my life. He knows when I'll be grieving and when I'll be celebrating. There is a lot of comfort in that. It's funny when you read through the Bible and remember that God never promises us a cakewalk. He never says "Come to me and I'll see to it that you never suffer again."
In fact, I think that it is quite the opposite. It's more like "Come to me and I'll give you a heart like mine - one that suffers but one that has an unbelievable capacity for joy and peace."
This not-knowing has been hard on me. But the more I cry out to God and let him take all my frustration, anger, and fear, the more I realize He is making my heart more like His. He's been grieving over orphaned children longer and deeper than I ever will.
I can't be a wimp. Because I am not the one who matters here. Yes, I long for a third child and my arms feel just not quite full when I'm holding the two beautiful little ones I do have, but that's not really what this adoption is all about. My sole goal on this earth is to bring glory to God. I can do that in lots of ways (just as I often do the opposite in lots of ways - ugh). God has given me His heart for orphans. That's how I can bring glory to Him.
This is not exactly a time of joy and peace for me, but I can't be a wimp. That brings glory to no one. So instead I'm trying to focus on the joyful and peaceful parts of my life right now. I have wonderful friends - so many of y'all are praying for the children and government of Ethiopia right now, and are praying for us. You all are amazing. I have some friends who are RIGHT NOW in India checking on wells that our AWANA kids raised money to install in areas where there is no access to clean water. That alone brings me joy!
And spring is coming... who wants to be wimpy & sad when it's nice outside! :)