This is laughable, but I'm thinking a lot about our plans for when we travel to Ethiopia. There is absolutely no need for me to be thinking about this but I guess this is what one does when you're not pregnant but are waiting for a baby!
Most of this is driven by the fact that I am leaving for Swaziland, Africa in about 40 days. The most I've left my daughter is one night when she was across town about a month ago. And I've left my son for 2 nights to go to Asheville - 3 hours away. Needless to say leaving them to go halfway across the world makes me a little stressed out. Thinking about leaving them THREE times to go halfway across the world makes me start to panic.
I've been playing out different scenarios in my head about how it will work with us being away from them so much. And right now, the only version I am comfortable with includes us bringing Riley with us on the first trip. So if you were to ask me today, Riley is coming with us on that first trip. Ask me again in 8 months :)
I'm still stalking our unofficial wait list a lot. It's kind of like baseball - there are lots of ways to analyze and manipulate the data to try to figure out what's going to happen next season! :) I count how many people above us are asking for girls ('cause I can weed them right out) and then check on how long the 0-18 monthers waited from wait list date to referral date (as if that isn't info my agency gives me every month anyway). Most recently, I've been scrolling the screen down so that the family on top is at the very top of the screen... and I was delighted to discover that we are both on the same page now when I do that!! ha ha!
Since I don't have my monthly checkups with a midwife, this is all I have. And as silly as it is, it all makes me feel closer to that baby of mine so far away from me. I'm connecting my feelings a lot with how I felt when I was pregnant. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes not. Not everyone acts as if I am pregnant (probably because I'm not and because adopting isn't overly well-understood outside of the adoption community). It is so hard to explain and I need to toughen up a little in this area and give grace to those around me. I've had my feelings hurt quite a bit in this whole adoption process by others acting as if there isn't really a child out there who counts. As if he doesn't count until he's home here with us.
But he does count. To me and Rob and the kids. And most importantly, to God.
And that's really all that matters.