Okay, I have a confession to make: I have this weird anxiety thing... it's never been diagnosed (well, other than by me) but any time I have to share anything personal in front of a lot of people I have a mini panic attack. This morning, Rob & I announced to our church that we're adopting and even though all I had to do was stand up on stage next to him while he did the talking, I had my crazy panic issue before we went up there.... seriously - lightheaded, heart pounding, palms sweating. It's ridiculous. I felt the same way when he announced we were pregnant with Riley & Allyn (and those times I wasn't even up on stage!!)
But you know what got me through? I remembered that this adoption is not about me. This isn't about completing our family or Riley and Allyn getting a little brother. It's about Christ and who He is and all that He has done for us. That's why we're adopting. Yes I desperately want another child and yes I can't wait for my kids to meet their little brother but this morning was about sharing our joy with our church family and asking them to join us in prayer for this next step in our journey of faith. And in the end, all I want is that we can look back and know that we glorified God not only in the end result, but in every step along the way.
That's what it's all about for me. And I feel no panic when I let the peace of Christ take over because I know He is in every step of this process and already knows every setback and bump in the road we'll face. And He knows about my weird anxiety problem and probably laughs at me for being so self-involved. And if it takes a mini panic attack to remind me that this life is NOT about me then bring on the panic (and maybe I won't be such a slow learner this time).
So for you FABC folks... feel free to laugh at me since y'all know I really did nothing more than stand up there next to Rob... and feel free to give Rob a hard time for making me do it!!!